then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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