I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
