theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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