We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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