Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
