he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
