are you still at the devil's house?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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