you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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