put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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