omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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