I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
