so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
