Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
