you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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