I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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