Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
how drunk are you?
Several
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
