I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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