You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
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he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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