you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
