that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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