I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
