Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
