At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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