Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
