apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
