smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My hand turned me down
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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