I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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