I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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