I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
