i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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