I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
