i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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