I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
