I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
