Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Floor bacon is actually really good
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
