I just cut my nipple shaving
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
