I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
