Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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