So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.