Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
