Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
