And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i dont even know how to be here
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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