So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
