Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
