i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
