nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
