I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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