He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
