I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
