Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
