Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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