Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
