YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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