can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
