I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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