Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize