You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
