Whatcha textin bout Willis?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
