Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
