I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
