Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
