Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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