Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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