i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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