I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i now understand why vodka
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
