tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
