I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
