Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
