I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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