Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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