so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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