Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
