I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
