You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
