the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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