Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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