Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
