So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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