it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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