Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
