her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
