i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
